FUN-lucky

I didn't get much, if any, sleep last night, despite a heavy dose of Ambien, administered by everyone's favorite little nurse.
I guess last night was "let's see who can scream the loudest" night at Arkham.
What I do remember of a dream I briefly had is skint, at best.
But I'll try and dress it up for you.

I was standing atop the Gotham Mutual building, staring out over The Palisades, wondering what would be the best way to take out Gotham's favorite playboy.
That snooty highbrow, Wayne, wouldn't know a good time if it shot him in the face.
Batman, though....now he's a challenge.
So I began to ponder on whether or not to blow up Wayne Manor, but decided against it, knowing full well that I wouldn't even get the credit.
I mean, the first time someone destroyed his house, the press said it was his fault. That he got drunk and burned the place down.
I didn't want to take that chance.
So I waited there, hoping for an idea to come to me.

That's basically the whole dream.
Me waiting and thinking.

I hate boring dreams.

-Mr. J

Awkward "Reality"?

I'm still not sure if this is, in fact, a dream.

Last night, at around 12:30, Nurse Cutie Pie happened into my room.
I felt unable to sleep, as usual, and was very surprised to be on the receiving end of an unscheduled visit.
She locked the door behind her and walked toward me.
I asked her if anyone had seen her, and she told me "no".
Without any other words exchanged between the two of us, she stood facing me and put her hand down the front of my pants.
As she stroked me, she said "I don't want you to love me. I don't want to be your girlfriend. Now get on the bed".
As I sat on the edge of the bed, ready yet confused, she reached under her skirt and removed her panties.
She walked to the bed, pulled my pants down to my ankles, and straddled me.
She eased me inside her, watching my eyes.
With the tip of her tongue, she traced the scar on the right side of my face, following it to my mouth.
As we kissed, she bit my lips and played with my tongue.
Our breathing deepened as our pace quickened.
She leaned backward and placed her hands on my thighs.
As she rode me, she tipped her head back, breathing more and more heavily.
Without warning, she wrapped her left hand around my throat and began squeezing...choking me.
And I liked it.
I heard her begin to moan, and felt her body tighten up.
She forced herself toward me and kissed me hard as she came, squeezing my neck tightly.

I blacked out, and when I came to, my pants were pulled up and I was under the covers.

I'm in a weird place right now.

-Mr. J

Ratman

I had a very strange dream last night in which I was bitten on the face by a giant rat.
It was glowing green, and had giant red eyes.
He almost looked like Christmas.
I felt my skin bubbling, and thought it might be bubonic plague, but when I looked at myself in the mirror, I was turning into a rat.
My face became covered in fur, my nose had elongated, and I grew whiskers.
I went from street corner to street corner, biting people and turning them into rats as well, in some sort of vampire chain of events.

I think I probably had this dream because of the dead rat that's under the bed in this room.
It's half-decayed and has a paper ribbon around its neck that says "Mr. Squishy".

Awkward situation.

-Mr. J

I Like Big Guns (And I Cannot Lie)

Last night's dream was a blast.
I had a full arsenal at my disposal, and I used it.
I went around town just blowing the hell out of buildings.
I even went to Jim Gordon's place.
I didn't do anything to his house, though. I just looked in the windows a bit.
I did go to Wayne manor to do some damage, though.
Marvelous things happened to this town.
The more I hopped around with those guns, the more I liked it.
And the more I smiled.
I climbed up to the top of the clocktower near Gotham National Bank, and could see almost the whole town burning before me.
As I looked over the city, I saw what I always wanted to see...complete chaos.
The streets poured over with frightened citizens, and screams of terror filled the air.
I had created anarchy...and I loved every minute of it.
Before long, though, I got bored with the scrambling masses, and decided to pick people off, one by one.
I shot wildly into the crowds below, without regard for anything.
It was really like, and pardon the cliche, shooting fish in a barrel.

Dreams can't get much sweeter.

-Mr. J

Skulls and Bones Can Kiss My Stones

I haven't been able to get a good night's rest since the Harley/Batman dream.
Every dream I have just seems so....sub-par by comparison.

Take last night's dream, for instance.
I had a dream that I was a bee.
I was just flying around, stealing nectar from flowers, but not pollinating anything.
I didn't even sting anyone.

Talk about boring.

-Mr. J

Sweet Dreams...

I took a little nap earlier, and the dream I had was delightful.
Now, for some reason, a lot of people here at Arkham have been bringing up Harley when they talk to me.
I think she's up to something.
Well, naturally, you can only hear about a person so much before you begin to think of them on your own.
That's where my dream comes into play.

Harley and I were scamping around town like we used to in the old days.
Batman was hot on our tails, and wasn't slowing up any time soon.
We were off in a stolen cruiser, and Batjerk was speeding up on his souped-up butt-bike.
We hit corners like a drunk guy hits his wife.
We crossed a bridge connecting The Narrows to downtown Gotham, and stalled out on 52nd Street.
As we rushed out of the car, Batman did what he does best, and swooped in, ruining the moment.
He grabbed Harley and took her to the roof of City Hall.
I was just gonna leave her there since I really am not much of a caring person, but just knowing that she needed me made me smile.
That meant I still had power over her.
So I got myself up to the roof of City Hall and faced-off with the Batman.
He tossed Harley toward the edge of the building, and came at me like a rabid dog.
As he slammed into me, I tumbled backwards, crashing into the rooftop.
As Batman jumped on top of me, I raised one foot up and grabbed his shoulders.
I kicked him low, making him flip over me and land on his back.
I jumped up and flicked out my trusty Cupid and straddled Batman.
I took the knife to his mask, but quickly decided it'd be more fun to kill him without even knowing who he was.
I zipped the blade into his neck as fast as I could, and watched as he panicked.
He grabbed his throat and began choking on his own blood.
He struggled with me a short while before giving in.
The last thing he saw was me laughing at him.
I grabbed Harley, who was hysterical, and pulled her close.
She cried into my chest and latched onto me as tightly as she could.
I told her to calm down....that everything was alright.
I told her to just be quiet, and I let her know that the big bad bat wasn't ever going to hurt her again.
I turned her around so she faced away from me.
I still held her close in my left arm, and with my right hand I reached behind me and grabbed the gun in the back of my waistband.
I kept telling Harley to shush, and said it was all over.
Then, I took the gun to her head and, without warning, blew her brains out all over City Hall.

I hope I can get back to sleep after that.
It was just sooooo good.

-Mr. J

Reversal of Roles

I had a dream last night that I was being robbed.
There were men in my house, raiding closets and desk drawers looking for anything to steal.
I was tied to a chair, duct tape covering my mouth.
Naturally, I had no idea what was happening.
I saw a woman on the floor, her insides splayed across the carpet and her face cut from ear to ear.
I recognized that smile.
I invented that smile.
I kept wondering when the joke would be over, but it wasn't.
That's when I noticed it.
I felt the inside of my mouth with my tongue, and felt no scars.
What was happening?
Who was that woman?
Why was I the victim this time?
I struggled against the ropes, but they only dug into my skin more.
I rocked my chair from side to side, trying to find a way up.
I fell hard as the chair tipped over to the right.
One of the men walked over to where I was lying now, and ripped the tape off my mouth.
I couldn't see his face.
He demanded to know where something was, but I didn't know what he was talking about, much less where to find it.
He called me a liar and sliced my face open at the corners of my mouth.
The blade sliced completely through each cheek and into the gumline.
As I bled out on the carpeted floor beneath me, I couldn't tell if I was crying or laughing.
The shock had taken over.

When I woke up, I was back in my safe little room and Nygma was snoring.

-Mr. J